WE ALL GET UPSET – now that we’ve put that out there, Katie has offered a few suggestions on how to regulate these emotions.  Your emotions are real, and valid, it is the next steps that determine what happens next

Breathe – it will be Okay:

How To Self Soothe

Katie Laird, MC, R. Psych

Self-soothing is an emotional regulation skill that can be used after an acute stressor to relax and calm yourself. It is an important skill that many of us do not consciously do for ourselves when we are upset. Some people attempt to self-soothe in unhealthy ways, such as overeating, drinking or using drugs, shopping, or gambling. Many of us are more skilled at soothing others when they are distressed, especially those of us who are parents. Distressing or overwhelming thoughts and emotions can take their toll and disrupt our work, family, or romantic relationships.

Here are some effective ways to self-soothe:

Grounding- Using your senses to bring you back to the present moment by focusing on the physical world instead of your own thoughts. Focus on what you can touch, taste, smell, hear, and see.

Breathing: Box breathing is helpful during extreme stress, where you practice the following: inhale for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, wait at the very end of the exhale for a count of 4, and repeat. This is a very deep breathing exercise that has been shown to calm and regulate the nervous system.
Self-compassion: Stop punishing yourself for your mistakes, and try to be gentle with yourself about your shortcomings. Talk to yourself the way that you would speak to a good friend.

Give yourself a hug: Might sound silly, but your brain cannot tell the difference between a hug you get from someone else and a hug you give yourself. A hug or any kind of compassionate touch causes your brain to release oxytocin. This hormone can make you feel safe, connected, and loved, explains Joree Rose, LMFT, a therapist and mindfulness and meditation teacher.

Validate yourself. Sometimes when we are upset we tell ourselves things like “It wasn’t that big of deal, I shouldn’t be feeling this way” or “I’m just being overly sensitive”. This kind of invalidating self-talk just makes us feel worse. Instead, it might be helpful to say something like “I recognize that I’m feeling scared right now and that’s hard. In this moment, the things I fear are not happening right now, and I am safe.”  Says Sara Lavelle, PhD, a clinical psychologist and hypnosis expert.

Please feel free to reach out and book a complimentary 20-minute consultation or an appointment with one of our psychologists if you need support or more ideas about how to self-soothe.