“Fine.” And Other One-Word Answers: How to Get Your Kids Talking After School

With kids back in school, you know the routine.

You: “How was school?”
Them: “Fine.”
End of conversation.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents struggle with getting more than one-word answers out of their kids at the end of the day. But here’s the good news: communication isn’t about having perfect conversations every time. It’s about creating ongoing opportunities for connection.

In this post, we’ll explore why kids often give short answers, how communication shapes relationships, and practical ways to ask better questions so your child feels safe, seen, and willing to share.

 

Why Do Kids Default to “Fine”?

There are many reasons why your child might not open up after school:

1. They’re tired. After a full day of learning, socializing, and following routines, their brains need a break.

2. They need transition time. Kids (just like adults) often need space to shift gears before talking.

3. They don’t know where to start. “How was school?” is a big question, and some kids don’t know how to sum up seven hours of their day.

4. They’re protecting their feelings. Sometimes kids worry about being judged, or they don’t want to talk about a tough moment until they feel ready.

Understanding this helps parents reframe the situation: your child’s silence isn’t rejection. It’s just a sign that they need help bridging the gap.

 

Why Communication Matters in Every Relationship

At Refresh Counselling, we often remind parents that communication is the foundation of healthy relationships. For kids, especially, having parents who show interest in their inner world creates:

• Stronger trust. Kids learn that you’re safe to talk to about the good and the hard stuff.

• Better emotional regulation. Talking about feelings helps children name and manage them.

• Higher self-esteem. When kids feel listened to, they feel valued.

• Resilience. Kids who can share openly at home are more likely to handle challenges outside the home.

And here’s the important part: communication isn’t just about words. It’s about presence, patience, and the way you respond.

 

Conversation Starters That Go Beyond “How Was School?”

Instead of “How was school?” (which almost guarantees “Fine”), try questions that are open-ended, specific, and even playful. Here are some you can keep in your back pocket:

• What made you laugh today?

• Who did you spend the most time with at lunch or recess?

• What’s one thing you learned that surprised you?

• Did you see anyone being kind? Were you kind to someone?

• Was there a part of your day that felt tricky or frustrating?

• If your day was a movie, what would the title be?

• What’s one thing you’d like to do differently tomorrow?

The goal isn’t to interrogate but to invite conversation. Keep it light and curious.

 

Timing Is Everything

Sometimes it’s less about what you ask and more about when you ask. Right after school might not be the best moment—kids often need a snack, some downtime, or space to decompress. Try weaving questions into other parts of the day:

• Car rides. Kids often talk more when they don’t have to make direct eye contact.

• Bedtime. The quiet of winding down is a great time for reflection.

• Shared activities. Playing a game, cooking dinner, or going for a walk can open space for natural conversation.

By experimenting with timing, you’ll find the moments where your child feels most ready to share.

 

The Power of Listening

As tempting as it is to jump in with advice, sometimes what kids need most is a listening ear. Try these strategies:

• Validate feelings. “That sounds tough” or “I can see why you felt that way” goes further than a quick fix.

• Ask follow-ups. “What happened next?” or “How did that make you feel?” shows genuine interest.

• Stay calm. Even if your child shares something worrying, keep your reaction steady. This builds trust that they can tell you things without fear.

Remember: your presence matters more than perfect words.

 

Building Communication Rituals

Families who communicate well often create little traditions around talking. Here are some you can try:

• Highs and Lows. At dinner, everyone shares their best and hardest moment of the day.

• Rose, Thorn, Bud. A rose is something positive, a thorn is a challenge, and a bud is something you’re looking forward to.

• Gratitude Moments. Share one thing you’re grateful for each evening.

These rituals give kids predictable, safe opportunities to express themselves, while also helping them develop self-awareness and gratitude.

 

When Kids Don’t Want to Talk

There will be days when your child just doesn’t feel like talking. That’s okay. Respect their boundaries, while also showing consistency. You might say:

• “Sounds like you need a break. I’d love to hear about your day later.”

• “I’m here if you want to talk before bed.”

• “It’s okay if you don’t feel like talking right now. I just like being with you.”

Sometimes simply sitting together, watching a show, or going for a walk communicates just as much love as words.

 

What If You’re Worried About Your Child?

If your child consistently avoids talking, seems withdrawn, or shows signs of stress, anxiety, or big emotional changes, it may be a sign they need extra support. At Refresh Counselling, we work with children and teens to help them build confidence, express emotions in healthy ways, and strengthen family communication.

Therapy isn’t about forcing kids to talk. It’s about creating a safe environment where they learn that their voice matters. Parents often notice that when kids feel comfortable opening up to a counsellor, it also makes it easier for them to open up at home.

 

 

The after-school “How was your day?” doesn’t have to end with “Fine.” By asking creative questions, choosing the right timing, and focusing on listening, you can create deeper conversations with your child. These moments of connection—whether small or big—are what build trust, resilience, and a stronger parent-child bond.

So next time your child walks through the door, try swapping “How was school?” with something playful, curious, or specific. You might be surprised at just how much they have to say.

And if you feel like your family could use extra support in building these communication tools, we’re here to help. At Refresh Counselling, our therapists specialize in child and teen counselling, helping families connect in ways that make life feel a little lighter, and a lot more manageable.

 

**Bonus Material: ...This Works for Adults, Too**

And here’s the thing—this isn’t just for kids. Adults also fall into the habit of giving one-word answers like “Fine” or “Busy” when asked how their day was. Whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or even a co-worker, meaningful connection often comes from asking better questions and listening with curiosity. The same principles—choosing the right timing, asking open-ended questions, and showing genuine interest—can help deepen adult relationships too, reminding us that everyone, no matter their age, wants to feel heard and understood.