How Do I Function Around People Again?

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Krisztina Kelemen, MA R.(Prov) Psych

Sometimes we all feel nervous, shy, or self-conscious in social situations, in public speaking situations or even when making simple phone calls. This is quite common, and it does not mean we have social anxiety. However, when anxiety grows above a certain level and it interferes with our normal daily routine, then it may be time to seek for help.

If you have a constant fear of being watched or judged by others, fear of embarrassing yourself, intense worry for days, weeks or even months before an upcoming social situation and you also show physical symptoms such as blushing, sweating, trembling, and racing heart, you may have social anxiety. 

Many people also experience intense social anxiety these days as a result of being isolated from others for far too long during the pandemic.

People with severe social anxiety often have few friends, feel chronically lonely and they usually think that there is nothing they can do about the symptoms. In reality, there are different tools and strategies that can help:

1. Challenge your negative thoughts: your counsellor can help you identify the automatic negative thoughts that cause your fear and replace them with more realistic, more positive thoughts about social situations and about yourself.

2. Shift your focus from yourself to others: Instead of paying attention to what is going on in yourself, pay attention to what other people are saying or doing.

3. Learn to relax: To manage increased heart rate, dizziness and muscle tension, deep breathing can be a significant help. Focus on a slow and steady breathing pattern of inhaling through your nose for 4 seconds, holding it for 6 seconds and exhaling through your mouth for 8 seconds. Your counsellor can help you learn other relaxation techniques as well.

4. Expose(ure) yourself: Through role plays, imaginal exercises and gradual real life exposure exercises, your counsellor can help you face your fears only to discover that your fears usually do not come true.

5. Improve your social skills: Through role plays your counsellor can help you improve your social skills, starting from the basic skills (making eye contact, asking questions an actively listening) to more complex ones (such as how to interview for a job or build and maintain friendships).

By practicing these techniques, as well as other tools we can provide you in session, it will help makethe transition back to the office, back to school, into the community to see faces you haven't in a long time, just a little easier,by feeling less anxious and more confident.

Feel free to reach out to a Refresh Psychologist who can walk with you and help you face your fears in a safe, equip you with tools, and help tease apart the complexities of life, in non-judgmental space - all to help you live your social life to the fullest!

Source: Leahy, R. L., F., H. S. J., & McGinn, L. K. (2012). Treatment plans and interventions for depression and anxiety disorders. The Guilford Press.